Sunday, 6 May 2012

A decision

It's Sane here, me and Kat are leaving America, we are going back to the UK, maybe Ireland, Sirus still has his base, and now that Manic is gone, there should be no more moral issues between us, I should mend the bridges Manic burned, he complained about me burning mine, I just have to trust him. After all the last words on both our notes were, 'don't worry there is a plan' I don't see how even he can come back from the dead so I think it was just wishful thinking on his part, I'm even starting to feel his memories without me fading away, only the knowledge he acquired stays, dates, names, numbers.

There's one danger however when we go back to London Tom and Aoife could see us and remember everything. We must go and see Sirus first, I hope he doesn't kill the body, I mean me, it's only me now. I have been playing with the knife for a few hours now absent mindedly opening small gaps in reality to test something, I think Manic was right, I have trouble crossing over the threshold let alone venturing any further into the path. I've had to use Manic's perceptual healing to cure myself of some grievous wounds,  reminder to not fuck with the path, I tried getting Kat to see if she was still a proxy, she just ignored me, I put a blanket around her, and said to her I know, she broke down crying, I forgot me and Manic have the same voice when I said those words it triggered something in her, I just held her and repeated the words until she stopped crying and fell asleep.

I thought it was hard on me, I may have lost half of myself, but she.... she lost the best thing that ever happened to her, the Man she loved returned after so long alive. She doesn't love me it was always Manic, I am just a thief, I catch her, sometimes behind my back, she looks at me with disgust, and loathing, it doesn't help me feel better, I already wish it was me instead of him to 'die', if that's the right word here, but I'm not and Manic's still dead. So I have to keep living for him, have I ever did something completely against Manic... no I haven't even those deaths he was with me for those, I have never lived for myself, always for Manic, at his Whim. I still can't see how I'll survive, I have this.... existential fear that I will just cease and my self shall just dissipate, *poof* like dust in the wind. Now this post is getting me down.

So me and Kat are leaving, seeking refuge in our own corner of hell, we won't come back her, probably, so if you need something ask now, as it is unlikely we'll be able to come after tomorrow.

Live, Learn, Love, Die.

How it's always been, even for Manic,

-Sane Soliloquy


  1. One way or the other, try not to get yourself killed