Wednesday, 7 November 2012

So Tired

It's too bad Tom didn't lose his leg this time, he wants me to help him do so much stuff, I just can't haven't slept for days, even starting to have micro naps I don't even want, I may even fall into a coma from the lack of sleep. I forget how long I've been awake, the new plan is almost complete, the Ticking man say I am almost ready to get my Son back, I just grumble my replies these days, I can't muster the energy to reply properly. I have hallucinations, I think I see Slender Man just standing them but it always disappears, I can't even trust my eyes anymore, and if I can't do that what do I trust. Kat is showing she's more worried about me, but if I do this then we can live free, we can live in a family, just Live. Only if I do this, only if I go back, torture myself and her, steal my own son, kill myself, then come back, he's promised that he will leave me after that, as long as I fix my time line, any time I've taken from another will be added to mine, I will grow to an old age, I will die, I will be Human, free, free, my freedom to die, then Azreal can take me, I*'ll Embrace the Archangel then. Kat will be free to be away from me, Patrick will be safe.

He will settle any debt I have with the Slender Man, I will be safe, safe, free, I can be myself again, Manic can Die, Manic will be free.

Freedom, is that what I really want, I have never lived without the threat of a fear over me, I have never paid a single tax, I have never worked a job that pays me not to kill someone. I have never slept in on the weekends. Can I live this type of life, when I don't even know, I haven't even existed in their records since I was 9, I only have a death certificate from when Slendy tauntingly released my body to Sirus, and my Grand father, he never accepted that I was dead, he never accepted that. How can I be accepted in a world like the one we hide from. I'm a murderer, how will I know I am able to fight any temptation, when those that anger me lash out, how do I know instinct won't kick in, how do I know. If I am attacked how do I know that it's a proxy or a desperate mugger, what if he comes in the night, and I am not ready, lulled into my false sense of security.

I don't want to leave, who says it would be easier, who says it would be safer, maybe for me, but not the world. I don't want to waste my time doing menial jobs, when Fears kill innocents and enslave them. I can't waste my time, can't waste my energy, I can't be a free man, because free Men always die alone, if you aren't free, atleast you will die with your enemy by your side, inseparable, only death can do it.

I am Manic Muse, ex-proxy of PRE 01, Son of Proxies of PRE 01 and PRE 04, Grandson of proxy of PRE 04. Wife Ex proxy of PRE 01, chased by PRE 01. Son taken in the name of his freedom.

Does this man deserve to live, does this man deserve to die peacefully, alone, free from all his commitments, but then again, all my friends that are out this event, are already dead, Patch.... his death still haunts me, because I was too weak, Johnny, people I knew, and Zeke is imprisoned.

I don't deserve life, and death is too good for me.

Stay Safe, Stay Sharp and Stay Alive.

-Manic Muse

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